call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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