Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
