I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
