I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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