I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
