I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
