I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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