So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize