Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
