I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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