I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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