cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
