If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
