I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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