i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
