dude i'm inner monologue high
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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