Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
