remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
