how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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