im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
