Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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