just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
