There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
