Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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