I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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