he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just had sex on a roof
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
