im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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