im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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