I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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