loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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