your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm at about main and main street
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
