went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
