Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
