i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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