Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Im part way to drunk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
