And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
