So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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