I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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