What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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