Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
