Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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