I just made out with a guy for $7.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
