Don't EVER smell your tampon
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
