Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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