talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
