He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
