If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
