I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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