no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
