After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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