I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
