My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
