we have pet lesbian snakes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
