my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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