he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
