I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't think brook has ever known best
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
