I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize